GPOYW, $165 worth of lesson learned edition. The lesson: do not believe anything that anyone tells you about their sexual history, ever. Also, never have sex.
Yes, I have an STD. Yes, I am talking about it in public. Yes, I am aware that STD Awareness Month was last month. My point here is to illustrate that even serial monogamists who always use protection can be affected. If you don’t use condoms during oral sex—and anecdotally, I’m convinced that no one does—you can get the clap from that. And even with the use of condoms, you can get scabies or lice.
Thus ends the PSA. Going to the doctor is a pretty scary experience for me anyway, as an uninsured person, since it means I have totally exhausted all the internet’s knowledge and still haven’t been able to self-diagnose, and am prepared to spend a lot of money just to make sure I’m not dying. But then, on top of the typical jitters, the doctor’s gaydar was way too fine-tuned for my taste. To wit:
Jason: “My partner doesn’t have any symptoms.”
Doc: “It would be normal for him to not know. The receptive partner doesn’t typically have any outward signs.”
I looked up the website later, though, and it turns out he first doctored in the navy, which would explain his familiarity with both homosexuals and STD’s. Bazinga.